The Secret of Life According to Satchel Paige

Gentlemen, we're gathered here today
to honour Satchel Paige
and all he gave, and all his deeds,
and all the years he played...
in the Negro Leagues.

Oh my my, wasn't it a shame
how Jim Crow ran the game.
No-one's to blame, and anyway
He was the best you'd ever see...
in the Negro Leagues.

“Easy inning, three up, three down, get you home by dark.
Any of you ladies wanna take me out celebratin' after,
you just come 'round the door.
Hey, Josh, you know what I hear? I hear

“The boys up in the majors got a man who drives the bus
and that's all he does!
And they don't drive the whole night through
the day they play the game,
and they don't play no better than us.

“By the time they got around to giving the likes of Josh and me the call, we weren't no spring chickens. But I figured, if I couldn't outfast 'em no more, I could still out psychologize 'em.

“For instance, this young fella, Mickey Mantle, comes up to the plate and fouls off my first pitch for strike one. So I say to myself, ‘This boy is good, but he does not possess patience.’ So I decide to throw him the hesitation pitch.

“I start the throw. Mantle swings at the air.
The ump calls ‘Strike two,’ but the ball's not there.
Then I let go, straight down the middle,
the ump calls, ‘Strike three,’
and that's all for Mickey Mantle.”

I hear ya, mama, hey, hey!
He's got the bee-ball, jump-ball, humbug, screwball,
he's got the hesitation, got the dipsy-doodle.
He's thrown 'em all, he's slow and sly
and black as the ace of spades.
If there ever was a devil with a glove and a ball
that devil was Satchel Paige.

When Satch was a boy in Mobile, Alabama,
they took him to the yard to get the chicken for his mama.
Satch in the door, chicken in the yard,
he picked that rock up, whupped it hard,
mushed that chicken head thirty feet away,
brought to his mama -- they had chicken everyday!
We laughed and laughed. Talkin' ‘bout Satchel Paige.

I hear ya, mama, hey, hey!
He's got the bee-ball, jump-ball, screwball, switch,
he's got the hesitation, got the humbug pitch.
He's thrown 'em all, he's slow and sly
and black as the ace of spades.
If there ever was a devil with a glove and a ball
that devil be Satchel Paige.

[Mandolin solo by John Reischmann.]

Josh Gibson, at the plate in Pittsburgh town,
hit the ball so hard that it never come down!
He hit the ball so hard it sailed away.
That ball come down in Phily next day.
The catcher caught the ball, the umpire say,
"You're out in Pittsburgh, yesterday."
Laughed and laughed. Talkin' ‘bout Satchel Paige.

[Fiddle solo by Calvin Cairns]

Old Satch say:
"Jangle when you move so the fat don't stick.
Go light on vice and society.
Never eat fried meats, they angry up the blood.
Never run. Never run.
If your stomach disputes, calm it down with your brain.
Don't look back, something might be gaining."
That's the secret of life, the secret of Satchel Paige.

[String bass solo by Rene Worst;
harmonica solo by Keith Bennett.]

Satch and Josh, they had a deal,
Whoever played first in Elysian field
gonna scout out the park, give the other a call,
tell him if the angels played ball.
Well Josh, he died, but Satch kept livin'.
waited for the call but he never heard nothin'
'til the 8th of June, '82.
He said, "Josh, is that you?"

Josh said, "Satch, how ya doin'? The boys is fine,
playin' like 1929,
playin' "ain't lookin'", playin' all the reams,
playin' right now against the white boys’ team.
It's the bottom of the 9th, we're up by one,"
Josh give a little grin,
"They got a runner on third and nobody out
and Satch --

“That may sound as if we are in a spot of difficulty up here, but that ain't the bad news. That runner on third is Eddie Collins! He's fast as Cool Papa. He's so fast he can turn out the light and be in bed before it gets dark. But that ain't the bad news. The man at the plate is Rogers Hornsby! He can hit anything. I seen him get a single on a throw to third. But that ain't the bad news. That man in the on-deck circle, that's Babe Ruth. Folks up here call him the Josh Gibson of the White Leagues. But that ain't the bad news. This is the bad news. Satch...
we're putting you in.

I hear you, mama, hey, hey!
He's got the bee-ball, jump-ball, screwball, switch
he's got the hesi… tation pitch.
He's thrown 'em all, he's slow and sly
and black as the ace of spades.
If there ever was a devil on the heavenly team
that devil be Satchel Paige.

Old Satch say:
"Jangle when you move so the fat don't stick.
Go light on vice and society.
Never eat fried meats, they angry up the blood.
Never, never, never, never, never, never run.
If your stomach disputes, calm it down with your brain.
Don't look back, something might be gaining on ya."
That's the secret of life, the secret of Satchel Paige.

"If they all thought I was the best, how come they never give me no justice!"

copyright Bob Bossin, 1982.